Dealing With Children Jealousy Caused By A New Baby
Children jealousy is something that any parent with more than one child might have to face. Especially for younger children who don’t yet understand why they aren’t getting the attention of their younger sibling when a newborn arrives. The good news is that there are effective techniques to handling and understanding children jealousy and to resolve the problem.
It’s important not to overreact and place to much emphasis on children jealousy, especially if the older one is of preschool age. It’s natural that an older child or preschool child may have some feelings of children jealousy or resentment. It may take some time for them to understand that mom and dad have a newborn to take care of and that mom and dad still love and adore them just as much as before.
So what do you do if your older child ridicules or makes fun of the new baby?
First, don’t punish them. While it is important for them to realize it’s not nice to make fun of their new sister or brother, it’s a reactionary behavior. Not an intentional desire to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Sit them down and talk to the older child – explain that the newborn requires attention, needs your help and can’t yet do all the things the older child can do. The baby needs you.
If you punish any child for having children jealousy feelings and symptoms you reinforces that the newborn is more important. The punishment says, your bad and need to be punished – that’s not the message you want to be sending to a child that suffers from children jealousy.
What if an older child begins to imitate the baby’s behavior (such as sucking their thumb, or trying to get into the crib)?
This is a sign they need attention. They feel left out or not part of. This is often why children jealousy begins to develop in a household with a newborn child. So include them in things more. If you need to change the babies diaper or feed the baby, try to find a way to have the older child help you. Maybe they can even rock the child in a baby swing while you are there watching them both. Just explain the swing is made to only rock the child gently not swing them around like a swing set. (I know that sounds obvious, but to a child who is yet to fully understand a newborn, they need detailed instruction)
When older children mimic the newborns behavior many parents automatically tell the older child to stop acting childish. Be patient and understanding – it’s ok to mimic the baby for a short time so long the parent doesn’t reward the behavior. You want to reinforce that the love and attention your newborn is getting does not replace the love and affection and attention the older child desires.
So when you can, make sure you spend some alone time with the older child who may have children jealousy. Maybe Dad can watch the newborn while Mom and the older child do something. And then later reverse the roles. Each time you do this; explain that the other parent isn’t joining them because the baby needs constant watching.
This teaches your preschooler, or child, that the baby does need constant attention, yet they deserve, and more importantly have, your love and attention as well.
Knowing your attention and love is there helps to elevate the children jealousy a sibling may be feeling.
By giving him or her opportunities to act like a loving older brother or sister will strengthen the bond between each child and lessen the children jealousy that once existed. Oh yea, and besides getting rid of the children jealousy that may develop when a newborn is brought into the home you will find the self image of the older child gets reinforced. They are part of the family and won’t feel like they are on the outside looking in.
Taking these suggestions will strengthen the bonds and develop a healthier and happier family and children without the children jealousy that is experienced in so many families when a newborn child is brought home and introduced to the household.
