Why Some Women Use Jealousy With Men
Written By Nancy Sandiski
Before we start discussing why women feel the need to make a man jealous, let’s say that this will not apply to all women out there. Not all women have the need to make a man jealous, in fact they know what jealousy is and try to avoid that emotion all together.
With that being said, we can go on to the main topic. Some women feel that if a man has a jealous reaction about another man’s feelings for that woman, it somehow means they care more about her. Sounds pretty ridiculous right? But it’s true, jealousy in some people’s mind, yes even men, is associated incorrectly with love.
Once a wise person stated that if you try to make a person jealous and they have no reaction, that’s what you want. That may seem onbelievable to people who live or even thrive on jealous emotiona. But really jealousy is an untrusting emotion.
It’s hard to say why some women feel this way, but I’ve done it before myself. After almost a year with a guy, a made a comment one day to him. I simply said that my ex-husband wanted to get back together, and I was considering it. Expecting to have him say something like, “I can’t live without you”, but he stated, “If that’s what you want”. The exact opposite of what I had hoped to hear, and at that point I was very upset.
So why did I want him to be jealous? I figured that he would profess his love and say how he always wanted to be with me, and please don’t leave him. Any of those words from his mouth to me would have been proof that he did love me. Instead I got the complete opposite. Instead I heard words that made me question his love, even though I shouldn’t have.
It’s funny how women, me included, can think that a sign of jealousy is good. But for some reason we do, and it may even take control of our lives at some points. In order to move on you need to realize that you shouldn’t want or try to make anyone feel jealous. It’s better for relationships in if the emotion of jealousy is simply avoided.
Relationships And Insecurity: Feeling Better About Your Relationship
Relationships are horrible if you feel insecurity. Whether it be a feeling of mistrust or jealousy, it all takes a toll on any relationship, and over time may even ruin it. So you should let go of those insecurities and find a way to have a healthier relationship.Insecurity can come about in many ways during a relationship, so you may have more than one thing to work on. But with a bit of time and help you can get past most if not all insecurities that are within you. Yes some relationships may be past the point of no return to feel secure with each other but many on the brink of disaster can be brought back to life. One of the main causes that you and a spouse, or lover may not be able to get past is where one of you has cheated, but with patience and maybe counseling even such devastating actions can be healed.
Not all people who have been cheated on will break up with the partner who has cheated on them. There are many married couples who have worked past that point in their relationships. But there still may be a bit of harboring insecurities. Extra counseling may be needed for the person harboring lingering doubts.
Another way a person may make a partner feel insecure in a relationship is by not letting the other person know they are loved. Some couples just don’t say those three words as often as others, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. If you’re a person who likes to hear those three magic words, “I love you”, and the person you are with doesn’t say them you may feel insecure. Which is understandable, however, you should sit them down and see why they won’t or don’t say those words. It could be something as simple as they just weren’t aware that you felt that way.
In any relationship communication is key. If you can’t talk to your partner, you most likely will not last very long. Sooner or later one or both of you will get fed up and want out of the relationship. Not that everything can be fixed by talking, but it’s better than holding it all inside and letting it fester.
The reasons for insecurities may be many; perhaps you feel you aren’t that good looking. This can be true in both men and women within any given relationship. This feeling of I’m not attractive, or pretty, or good enough may pop up when your partner talks to someone of the opposite sex who is pretty, or looks better. It may make you feel bad about yourself, angry with them, or jealous of your partner and/or of the person he or hse is talking to. Not only might you feel bad, but might make a comment like “you think he/she looks better”, or “you want him/her”.
Comments that are jealous comments is caused by insecurity. Feeling jealous about something or what someone has done can often heighten your insecure feelings. So you have to cure these jealous reactions by creating better self-esteem within yourself. These things will help to make your relationship stronger.
As far as if you’re insecure because your partner has cheated before. Well it’s really going to take time and a marriage counselor if you both feel the need to work through that. But work on not feeling jealous and realize that you partner chose you not another
Trust Building Games Bring People Together
Whether it is in the corporate world, or teaching children new responsibilities, or a couple trying to strengthen their bond; trust-building games can help to bring people together with. The ability to trust can be a liberating experience and having mutual feelings of trust reflected back to you could truly be a rewarding and fulfilling experience.Trust building games can be practiced in pairs or within groups, and either method is equally effective. From teams of work colleagues, to sports teams, to Boy Scouts to families, the fact that you are going to be a willing participant says a lot about your desire to develop personal growth.
Possibly the most common example of such a game that people know, will be one where a partner closes their eyes and falls backwards, allowing themselves to trust that they will be caught by the person behind them. This is a great way of letting go of reservations and truly entrusting your welfare to someone else.
A lot of trust building games use blindfolds to help stimulate the mind into letting go. It can help to take away all distracting surroundings and apply some kind of isolation upon those building trust together. It is then you have to put total trust in someone to help you out.
For a group exercise, with everyone blindfolded, you might try walking around a room slowly and then when someone discovers someone else, greetings should are exchanged without words. This can be enhanced by trying to find people with similar physical attributes as you, like the same length of hair.
Being led by verbal directions around an obstacle course whilst blindfolded is another good exercise, but any such game which leads you to put your faith in someone else will help instill a bond of trust, even if it is with a stranger.
Why Jealousy Relationships Are A Recipe For Disaster
Jealousy relationships can destroy any couple, employee and employer or friendship. Even sibling rivalry can be devastating. Jealousy relationships make your partner feel like they can not trust you – or that you do not trust them. Being jealous may be a natural reaction in some people. They may even feel they have a right to be jealous, but the truth is it’s a feeling that is unhealthy and needs to be removed from any existing relationship you may have.
It seems odd but some people like their partners to be jealous, or they themselves may enjoy being jealous within the relationship. Why might this be so? Well it seems that if the other person is jealous then they must care about you more. But the reality is different than this perceived untruth. The truth is they are likely angry, or at the very least annoyed, with the feelings and behaviors jealousy relationships bring about.
The need for attention is what is driving one partner to create jealousy within the other. This interaction between each other is extremely unhealthy. Unfortunately this mechanism for getting attention fills a need and often is acted out again and again within jealousy relationships.
Making comments such as, “A girl (or guy) I never met winked at me today” may seem innocent, but it is really said to provoke the other person. The person making such a comment may be totally unaware of their behavior and the meanings behind what they are saying – or at least appear to be unaware of what is happening. Again the reality is different than what is perceived.
The reason anyone says something like that in jealousy relationships is to get the pay-off. And the pay-off is attention and anger; — in short, they want a reaction.
And while the jealousy relationships may seem loving to a person the reality is it is filled with traps. It is filled with resentment, anger and mistrust. This isn’t really want you want your partner to be feeling — nor is it what you want your relationship to be.
You want the attention, affection, and love but without the anger, hurt, frustration and pain. Unfortunately you will likely get both – but not in a healthy way.
What you really want is a healthy attention.
Happiness and love is what you desire. But for some the jealousy evoked is thought of as a form of love. For some they don’t know what a healthy love is and any kind of attention is better than none.
We’ve all heard people say a comment like “if I can’t have her or him, no one else can”. No healthy individual wants to invoke possible anger or rage, but sadly it’s the way some people feel they are loved and it is often the very type of behavior you will find in jealousy relationships..
Healthy relationships are built on trust and each individual is secure in themselves and their partner. A jealousy built relationship develops through mistrust, fear, insecurity and envy.
Whether you want a healthy relationship or one built on negative feelings and emotions is entirely up to you. It’s a choice you need to decide for yourself – Do I want health or unhealthy? Do I want to live in a jealousy filled realtionship or not?
When your ready to explore what jealousy relationships are and how to overcome the jealousy in your relationships, join my free newsletter. When you’re ready for a healthy relationship and stop jealousy from ruling your life, check out my book. Either way you’ll be grateful you began to take steps to break the chains of jealousy relationships and took a step toward health.
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